Do you
have anyone in your life that darts their eyes around the room when talking to
you, not paying attention to the conversation? Do you have someone in your life
who will ask you, what seemed to be a genuine question, and proceed to not
listen to the answer? I am willing to bet that each of you does. While some of
these people are just self-absorbed, some may become distracted due to a very
busy schedule and loud culture that I am sure we can all relate to.
An article in the Chronicle
talked about busy, overwhelmed university faculty and staff and the concept of ‘Getting to Clear’. There were many different ideas
to this article but the one that caught my attention was about being fully
present when we are with others. The article states: “Being fully present to other people and fully open to new
ideas- cultivating an undistracted, selfless focus- may be the hardest thing
for an academic to do, and the most important.”
This blog
stood out above the rest this week because this concept is rarely discussed on
The Chronicle (since the time I have been a reader at least). We are so focused
on recruiting students, cutting budgets, documenting our effectiveness,
attending meetings, using resources wisely…and the list goes on and on.
We are less focused on how we are interacting with others. I know this is a
generalization because I know there are some of you who do value relationships, mentoring others, and creating genuine connections. I also know each of you is a graduate student
who may work, who has family, friends, and other interests. If your schedule
looks anything like mine, I am willing to bet there are times throughout your
day that you are not fully present with others, perhaps not even present with yourself. I
know I am guilty of this from time to time.
Even
beyond our duties at work or school there is additional evidence of us not
being present. Have you ever been guilty of texting or surfing the web on your
phone while having a conversation? Have you ever checked out at a store while
on the phone? Have you ever talked on the phone in the car instead of talk with
your passenger or been 'hanging out' with friends and everyone is texting? Do you
check your email right before you go to bed and right when you wake up? Do you
sleep with your computer or iPad? I think you get the point…
So how
does this apply to our higher education class? We are busy and we are
constantly interacting with co-workers and students. It is important for us to
take a step back and realize how we interact with others and what impact or
message we send. Are we teaching our co-workers that we are genuine and truly
care or are we teaching people that we are self-absorbed and do not invest time
an energy in another? Being fully present without distraction is difficult to
master but makes a profound impact on those around us. Think about someone you
look up to, perhaps your mentor. I am willing to venture that you would say that
that person makes you feel like you are the most important person in the room
when you are conversing with them. This person probably has a genuine,
undistracted focus on you and your development as a person or profession.
Wouldn't it be great if we all could be that influential and present in the
moment for another?
I think this is an incredibly timely post. I just attended NASPA IV-W and was very guilty of not being fully present in a few sessions. While I was there to learn and I attended sessions that I found to be personally engaging, I also am always hunting for ways to "get clear". Even if we want to be there and we want to be present, we live in an era where that's not always possible.
ReplyDeleteFor our students, many have jobs, families, and other critical issues in their lives that distract from the classroom experience. So what's the best approach to battling these engagement challenges? Maybe it's integrating the things that distract us into the collegiate experience.
Unfortunately the fact that individuals are not present seems to be a product of our society. All of our high tech gadgets that are always within an arms reach demand our attention. Having the ability to stay so connected through text, email,messaging, and status updates is both a curse and a blessing.
ReplyDeleteI think the most important thing to remember is that society also demands many of us to get as much done as we can while working 50 or 60 hours a week. Sometimes 60 hours does not even seem like enough time. If someone wants full attention, they should expect to schedule a meeting first. Often times it is convenient for us to just poke our head into someone's office and expect their immediate and full attention, which is unrealistic. If a meeting is scheduled first, then full attention should be expected on both ends.
We always seem to say time flies and it sure does! I too am guilty of not being in the moment. I may be working on assignment but have a million other thoughts going through my head. As a society I think we are expected to mull task. I think many people are looking to be heard and what they have to say validated. This is hard to do when your thoughts are else where. It may not always be possible to master the art of being present but it is important to try. I know when someone is not fully engaged in what I'm saying an I'm sure other students do as well.
ReplyDeleteGood post. I am so guilty of this. I agree with Jason when he talks about poking your head in v scheduling a meeting. I know that there are times that I just need a minute after 5 appts in a row. If I don't have an appointment scheduled that break in the outlook calendar means I can catch up on other tasks. Sometimes someone poking their head in can be frustrating. I should take my own advice here and not poke my head in so much myself, I suppose.
ReplyDeleteI read an article a couple of months ago and I can't find it for the life of me but it discussed the fact that reaching for ones cellphone is now becoming an unconscious action. We are so used to it that sometimes we don't realize we are not present. I am absolutely terrible at this!
Lisa, thanks for such a thoughtful post. I went back and read the blog as well and it totally resonated with me. I find myself measuring my work in a series of finish lines. My current finish line is Nov. 29 when these classes are done and I can stay late at work and focus on those tasks. How sad is that?!?
ReplyDeleteI had not used the phrase "getting to clear" before but I will start using it. Usually I say I need to "hit the reset button" which happens when I can get all my emails read and properly filed or projects crossed off the to-do list that I write with a Sharpie.
I don't think student affairs lends itself to balance and mental health unless we fight for it. Which sometimes I am too tired to do. So, I press on and try to finish the to-do list.
This post and article were encouraging though...thanks.
Loved the post, Lisa. The first thing that popped into my head when reading it was a little "societal" event that happens allllll the time. I've taken notice of it recently (I think because of a conversation such as this one), but I know I've been guilty of it plenty of times over in the past. How many times a day/week/month/year, do we see someone in the hallway or on the street and say hello in passing, and ask how they've been? Do you even remember the answer? Did you really open yourself up to a response? I'm sure the next thing out of your mouth was oftentimes something like, "Great! Well have a nice day." Was it great? What did they even say? As an experiment for whoever reads this, next time someone says hello and asks you how you've been in passing, say something other than "good," and see what happens. Will they even notice? We are taught in our society to be pleasant and cordial, despite how we may really fell. That is unfortunate.
ReplyDeleteI think all the points brought up throughout this post are valid. Our society has a sick obsession with multi-tasking and stretching ourselves thin. I'm very guilty of this, even as we speak. I'm at work. I'm working on homework, two of my emails accounts are open, along with my Facebook. Additionally, within my doctoral program, I'm trying to graduate with 98 credits in three years. No wonder I am always exhausted and "non-present" with others at times.
I appreciate the discussion on this topic, and I've been trying to be more mindful of my interactions with others in recent times, and this was a nice reminder for me. I definitely know how it feels to be on the receiving end of those "darting eyes" and hollow small talks. Lisa, it is now your job to tell me when I'm not being present with you from now on :)
Lisa, much like everyone else has posted, thank you for bringing this to light! I read through your post thinking guilty. Guilty. Guilty. I would hope that at least sometimes we’re all aware of when we’re not present. I know I’m bad at not being present when I’m in the middle of something at my desk and someone pops in my office. Instead of putting down or stopping what I’m doing, I try to hold a conversation with the person while finishing what I’m doing. How effective am I really being at either thing I’m trying to accomplish? This is really important (as I’m sure it is in a lot of your jobs as well) when it comes to customer service. Does the person on the other end of the phone really feel valued and helped when you’re also typing up an email to someone else on your computer? As much as we THINK we’re multi-tasking, I’d be willing to bet the person on the other end of the phone knows they’re not getting our undivided attention. Especially in student affairs, I think it’s important that we remember this as we go about our daily duties.
ReplyDeleteTo also comment on something Kylie said, I noticed a long time ago that it’s a normal greeting to say “how are you” or “how’s it going?” I’ve tried really hard to change this behavior because admittedly, I don’t always care but I also hate when people ask how I am in stride, and by the time I can open my mouth, they’re five steps past me. This could be a totally different subject but think about students who come to the U.S. and English isn’t their first language. How rude does that come across to them?
Awesome topic! And so very poignant! Jill, I'm right there with you regarding the NASPA conference. While I wanted to be fully engaged, there were too many things going on to fully focus and be in the moment. I think that this says a lot about our society, and how thinly stretched we really are. We used to travel to disconnect from our daily lives and recharge our batteries. With mobile devices, even on vacation, we never really disconnect.
ReplyDeleteI think that this is true for our students as well. They are amazingly connected, so how can we ask them to focus on a boring lecture in a subject that many of them may not care about?
Dana, you are exactly right. I was part of an international touring group, and one of the biggest complaints that the students from other countries had was Americans' insincerity when asking and replying to "How are you?" Many of them wanted genuine answers, and we just gave the standard answer. It made me change my way of truly asking and answering that question.