As I was browsing through the chronicle today seeking what would create my post this evening I came across another blog - a blog titled professors and children. Now this may seem odd to be in graduate education and there is a chance some may not find it relevant but to me it is timely. The idea of children and advanced education and positions has always been a whisper around me and whether it is or is not possible. Even at the NASPA regional conference a version of this topic came up. Which is how I come to this blog.
While at the NASPA regional I decided to attend a session surrounding the idea of advancing your career in higher education. I am always curious about the stories of others and what has worked for them and what lessons they have learned in their quest to advanced in the field. I was somewhat stunned to still here women discussing whether to have children or not and how this can potentially hinder you from advancing. The general impression, regarding this topic, I got was keep your private life private and if you find that your university or department is family friendly - great!
The chronicle blog connected with my NASPA event with a simple statement..."children are the enemies of scholarship". WHAT! What does this mean for those of us who have considered families or have families? What does it say when we can all most likely tell a story of a woman who gave up family or focused less on family for a career? Why does this still exist? Although, some would say it is the choice people make my heart sank a bit after reading a statement from the professor in the chronicle blog, " I gave my life to Milton*. For that I had to sacrifice a child."
Now I am still having a hard time settling this in my brain since the NASPA conference to hear a woman with children say she downplayed her family (my words) in order to be VPSA. Do I want to be a VPSA now? Do you? Even after reading our article for this week I gave pause to the idea of being faculty carrying a 50 to 60 hour a week workload with the idea of publish or perish. How would someone work the rhythm of family and scholarship. I have few examples in my life of women succeeding at both and I am concerned. This is not to say that it cannot be done but I ask at what cost. I cannot truly speak to the children aspect as I do not have children. But as a woman it is not as if I have not considered how children could change my graduate education, scholarship or chance for advancement. I have experience with a department that is not family friendly and saw my female colleagues with children struggle and eventually decide to move on to other institution or positions that were less demanding on their time and welcoming to families.
How do we as a profession reconcile some of the ideas we preach? We often discuss student centered work and taking holistic approaches but what about our faculty and staff, why do we not use a holistic lens when we look at each other?
*This professor according to the blog is an acclaimed expert on John Milton.
If I heard a story of a family who opted not to have children so they could adopt other children, I would not be sad - I would actually think they have a pretty unique perspective. However, if I heard of a family that neglected their own children to care for other children, I'd be kinda heartbroken. If a family decides to give up their pursuit of children to impact college students, I think that's fine. But, driving people to neglect their own children to take care of someone else's seems misguided.
ReplyDeleteIs this a reality of our profession, or can we find balance between work and home? I read a little book called "Choosing to Cheat" that basically said that you have to choose if you're going to choose to cheat work or home.
As a relatively new parent, I laugh a bit when I read, "children are the enemies of scholarship." I have found the opposite. Children make it much harder to live in a bubble, they give you quite a bit of perspective. To those academics that sit at home and write all day in a neat and tidy world, maybe having a screaming kid or a soccer game to go to might help them see what's important. Given the current divorce rates and number of kids that grow up without two parents, maybe we can sacrifice a little scholarship.
I think this is such a hard conversation to have, so I appreciate you bringing it up.
ReplyDeleteWhat I often hear when the topic of women, scholarship, and families comes up is a lot of people criticizing each other. What I find interesting is that no one is criticizing the system that makes it difficult for women to have kids and succeed in their scholarship. I would add that I do not think it is impossible. I think it is hard. However, I've found that if both scholarship and children are important to someone, they make room in their lives to work at both.
Perhaps this person blaming her scholarship for deciding not to have kids, didn't really want kids in the first place. It might be easier for her to blame work. Is it more socially harmful to say "being successful at work kept me from having children" or to say "I don't like kids and don't want them apart of my home life?" My guess is the former is a bit easier to tell a group of people at a conference. If the latter is true, then great! Go for it. It certainly isn't my place to tell you how you should live your life.
I think it bothers me that, as a society, we don't think twice about questioning women's choices or discounting them as invalid. In the words of Tina Fey, "we should be nice, be gentle with each other." We should support each other, as faculty, administrators, students, women, men, etc. Let's question the culture and the institutional rules instead.
Karla - thanks for again bringing to light a conversation that I always assume we are past. I should know better - but I'm optimistic. I have to agree with Beau - in many ways being a parent has made me a more thoughtful, aware, intentional and compassionate professional. Coming to this was not easy though - there were many days when my daughter was a baby that I wondered if I would be able to manage it all. I still actually wonder if I'll be able to manage it all - however rather than talking about work, children and scholarship in binaries I wish the conversation would move towards communities of women who are working in support of each others choices to have families AND careers.
ReplyDeleteTo your point, Margaret, I think you've really made a very insightful contribution about it being easier to blame work then to acknowledge not wanting to have kids - something else that can be equally as difficult for women to do when there is so much pressure to have kids. None the less I think these kinds of statements can be damaging to the profession and to the many women out there who aspire to be great moms and professionals.
I attended the same regional NASPA presentation as Karla did, and similarly felt disoriented and dismayed when hearing two very passionate and committed female VPs of Student Affairs talk about how they had to downplay their family responsibilities at times in order to navigate the academic cultures at their respective institutions.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I was also very inspired to hear both of them (Jody Donovan at Colorado State and Lori Reesor at the University of North Dakota, I believe) talk candidly and rather fiercely about how they were still committed to keeping family concerns at the forefront of their lives, career track or no career track. The other speaker was a gay male program director at Kansas State, I believe, named Rueben Perez. He also spoke openly and sincerely about how important the relationship with his partner was, and how he wasn't going to sacrifice it for the sake of his career (he eventually decided that, for him-especially in light of his recent battle with cancer and the insight it provided him-pursuing a PhD. and more notches on his career belt weren't high enough priorities for him anymore).
I think that when personal familial and communal responsibilities outside of the higher ed. career track are shunted aside in favor of a compartmentalized focus/obsession on career advancement and even excellence, you can lose sight of what it means to be a fully authentic and caring member of the greater community and of your own family. For a tragic example, there is the current case of perhaps higher education's most celebrated and feted athletic molder of men and character- Joe Paterno of Penn State University. He seemingly gave everything of himself to his players and their families while actually helping to raise a large and lively brood of his own, but apparently looked the other way when a longtime colleague of his allegedly perpetuated monstrous acts upon defenseless young children who were beyond the purview of his official coaching duties....incredibly disturbing stuff, and yet another especially graphic example (to the extent the details of this developing story are true) of how we each must always strive to be ready and willing to apply and practice our cherished ideals outside of the box we live and work within, even when facing possible serious repercussions, if we are to maintain our very humanity.
When asked to write a five year plan I took much consideration into the fact that I plan to have children in the next 5 years or so ( if things go accordingly of course!). For me, it is a big consideration especially with the expense of child care. Not to say that there aren't a million other things to take into consideration. From the perspective of someone who does not have children, I think we all have to make decisions and have priorities for things that we truly want. It is difficult to have two number one priorities whether that be children and being a student affairs professional or totally different priorities.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful blog Karla.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Ann.
I think that as long as we have accepted to own our families and children, then I believe that they have priority in all our projects because they need us, even if the payoff for them will be in the future, is assumed that there is coordination between the parents in such matters as the completion of graduate studies as long as the opportunity is available at any time and any age. If we are planning for the future, Children are the future for us and for our country.